Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Men

While blasting to glee on my subway ride home, I pondered what the next post should be about. (Don't worry the first key date(s) are coming this weekend!) The next logical step is, I suppose, discussing how I am going to go about meeting these men for dates. L.A., you say, you need willing participants should you complete your goal by summers end. Fortunately, there are, in fact, at LEAST 25 single straight men in NYC. It's all about finding them. And unless any of my five, so far, incredible followers has a single friend to ante-up*, I suppose I'll have to go with my regular stand-bys.

As I see it, there are five main ways for women to meet men in this city.

1) The Pick Up

Typical, oft depicted in movies, oft leading to bad lines and even worse small talk, sometimes they can turn up a diamond in the ruff.(shout out to cute Ian with glasses. A guy I talked world politics with on an LES playground outside when I was only a wee summer intern during college,**). I have met more men this way whose last names I simply don't remember than facebook friends I will never see again . (Sorry Ian..... Andrews? Smith? Boulingstein? Bueller?)

2) The Set Up

Friends of friends are all sooooo NICE and SOOO CUTE and soooo funny and sooooo smart! Except, that is, when they're not. Not that I don't beg my friends to set me up with their own rejections (if they are a woman) or competition (if they are a man) all the time, but still, we should really know what we are getting ourselves into.

3) The Toss Up

Ah online dating. Realm of possibility, death of romance, world of creep. If their profile is great you pray they're cuter in person and if the picture is attractive you hope maybe they misused "their" ironically. Easy access? Yes. Crapshoot? Absolutely. Tons of fun? You betcha.

4) The Ketchup

You know how ketchup can make almost anything taste better (no? is this just me?) Well any guy becomes instantly cuter when you have an adorable meeting story. Take photographer I nearly knocked unconscious with a baseball in central park. I wrote off his first racist comment on our date as a bad politically incorrect joke because "our story" was so darn adorable (and gender non-normative!) Thus has lead my long string of meeting men who were selling me a computer, who were mannies in the park, who were so unavailable they actually took off their glasses at a party so they wouldn't meet a girl and who I bullied them into seeing me again, etc etc. Ketchup may add a comforting flavor, but eventually you're going to have to find out what your food really tastes like.

And last but not least.....

5) The Back Up

Taken steps 1-4? Can't seem to meet anyone? No problem, simply place that tape that is your dating life into the VCR (it's an old reference, stay with me) press rewind and go to your least upsetting previous encounter. Ah exes, what would a single gal do without them?

So what will win out this summer? What tried and true method of male meeting and mating will garner the most keys? Stay tuned.

*If you DO have a friend to ante up, by all means comment away.

**None of the mentioned men in this post are featured in these pictures***. Though these are real life men I have dated in NYC. Most of them are fabulous, most of them are still single, line up ladies!

***Unless they fit into category number five in which case, I've decided it's allowed.


  1. Dear L.A. -

    I'm a reporter for the New York Times, doing a piece about "Key to the City," and talking to people experiencing it. Could you let me know the best way to reach you? I'm at kennedyr@nytimes.com. Thanks.

    Randy Kennedy

  2. I found your blog through this times article and I just wanted to let you know that I had to minimize the screen for a few minutes in an attempt to help muffle my laughter at work. you are hilarious (particularly #4)!